There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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