Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I won the penis lottery.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
