You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
