why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
