oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
