So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My feet surprised me
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