We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
