Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
