Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I intend to get homeless drunk
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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