im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
