Banned from zoo.
Again?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
