my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
