i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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