About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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