Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
