My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
