did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
