Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
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I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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