So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize