hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
