was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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