now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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