This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
