Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
