he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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