She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
