Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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