I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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