I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
