He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
