Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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