cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
