I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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