Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
