Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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