I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
