I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
