fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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