i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
