I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
