she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She announced her abortion via fbk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
