This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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