i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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