so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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