dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
