dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
