Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The power of my boobs compel you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
