Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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