Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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