I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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