Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
