Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
