My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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