he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
