I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
