Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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