I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
