you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
