ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
