she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
