My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
