How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
