pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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