I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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