I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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