Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
