I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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