Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
