Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
