Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Houston, we have a squirter
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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