i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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