She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
