i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
